I Say I’m Fat, They Call Me Thick

Body Dysmorphia: A mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance.

Delusional: characterized by or holding false beliefs or judgments about external reality that are held despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary

I’ve struggled with how I looked for a while on an extreme level. I will nitpick and want to perfect my hair, face, and style… However, nothing will affect me more like the way I view my body. I just know that if my body could talk, and it actually does in ways, I would be crying for its forgiveness. I would be fully ashamed for how mean I’ve been when all my body did was hold me up on days where I told myself no. Where I told it it wasn’t strong enough to do something it was able to do. I got to this point from weight gain, body shaming, comparison, and youth body shaming. I honestly think the body shaming as a child made my obsession to be thinner way more than it is. I truly want to go to the root of the issues I miss my old body. It wasn’t too thin or too big, it was extremely just right! I miss how clothes fit me and the availability I had to clothes due to the size. Y’all when I lost myself in love or lust I lost my comfort body. It honestly makes me sooo insecure in my skin. The people you choose to have around you can for sure also play a role in your demise, by being delusional. I’m 211, 10 lbs from my beginning weight 2 years ago and no one is saying a thing. Sometimes it seems like sabotage… However, I know it could never be that deep. That would imply I think they hate me.(they still could) I know I’m sensitive about it, but please say something. Not just to me, to anyone. To anyone losing themselves to anything, but in this case food. Im embarrassed to tell that my closest comfort friend has been food. I just wish when I speak y’all let me be honest. Don’t tell me I’m overreacting when I put back on about 25lbs in a short period of time. I have to accept that I fell off, why don’t y’all let me? I thought the way to fixing the problem is calling it by name and identifying it? Right?

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