Oh, 30!

Accountability :being answerable for one's actions and decisions, and accepting responsibility for the outcomes, both positive and negative

Turning 30 can trigger all kinds of emotions, thoughts, expectations, and even Before 30 To-do lists. I’d thought I’d be married with 1 child or at least a bun in the oven. I’d be living in my dream home, stuntin’ in my dream car. Plus the body of the baddest fit chick you’d ever meet. Yet 30 didn’t start that way… It started with me having a new job and taking a pay cut. Losing some weight still trying to lose 40lbs I gained, run again, and breaking a foot. My romantic life is nonexistent, and I’m no longer the bubbly personality and friend I ounce was. Flirty, Sexy, 30 turned into 30 Shades of Accountability. Accountability, you know everyone’s favorite buzz, trigger word in the social world we all participate in. I want you to keep in mind I said participate not live… I think we forget there’s a real reality outside of social media that we must actually experience in real time. However, that’s a conversation for another day….If you asked me 5 years ago if I saw myself here,  I would’ve saw me healed right now. At 21, this would be the furthest thing from my reality, because I had a plan. At 18, hell no I was extremely ambitious and confident in who I was as a budding woman. As I reflect on how none of them saw this coming, I look at the decisions all of those women made. At 18, I didn’t let go and didn’t fight for my opportunity. At 21, I got so caught up in love and didn’t take that leap of faith. 25, I didn’t take the actual time to learn my mistakes and tried to prove my worth to all the people, exes, old friends, high school coaches, and etc that I was more than their limiting ideas or beliefs. As I am roughly 6 months into my 30s, I have made some changes and had some setbacks. Yet, I am still looking to turn the beginning of this decade around and live the rest of the life that I have left. I know what you’re thinking, “What are you going to do or start?”. One thing I am doing is seeking guidance, mental health maintenance, and cultivating the confidence and esteem in me. I know my life isn’t over and that I can be more than I’ve allowed myself to be. What I thought an adult was is opposite of what it truly means and requires you to be. I am ready to glow into these next 6 months of this year. 31 will welcome me with open arms, because I will gift it with an even better me!

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Givin' up on gettin' it perfect. Not chasin' anything that's not worth it.Little lost, but here I am”

Thirties x Emma White